His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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