You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
