Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
