lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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