I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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