Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
