i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
