you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
