How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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