I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize