Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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