Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
