I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize