Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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