You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
