yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When are your genitals available?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
