You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
