At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So many bounce houses so little time
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
