so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
