As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
