I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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