you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
