You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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