When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
