Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bring me that man meat
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
