Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
