Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
