I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize