You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
