I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
