How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
