Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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