I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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