he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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