I hate all girls vehemently.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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