Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
God, I missed his penis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
