Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
