I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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