Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
