so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
