***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
