I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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