Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
