You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize