he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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