And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
