Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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