the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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