I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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