They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
