even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
