we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
