3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think your dad took our porno
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
