I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
