You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm always down for nudity.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
