i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
