I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize