Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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