just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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