I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
