My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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