She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
