is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
