YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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