I heard we made out
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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