There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
