Welp...herpes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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