he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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