I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
